Bill And Jerry's 2006 Big Bang Theory
Author Unknown:
When the curtain closed on the 2005 season I don't think Bill Parcells and Jerry Jones were very satisfied with those nine wins and seven losses. Yeah, I know that's not much of a revelation to anyone. So after these two elder statesmen got finished working out the details of Parcells contract extension they came up with the following big bang theory.
Terrell Owens is now wearing a star on his helmet. He's here to make those big game breaking catches that humble the opposing defense. The guy's football skills have never been in question and we have all seen the gaudy numbers he puts up when he makes it onto the field for sixteen games. Bang, T.O is racing down the field for a 70 yard touchdown as the 'insert opponent name here' are shell shocked on their way to being defeated by the Cowboys.
Demarcus Ware just got his partner in crime. Bobby Carpenter will have the pleasure of seeing the quarterback's frightened look as he turns to run from Ware and is immediately nailed by Carpenter coming from the opposite side. Bang, Ware is now racing down the field with the fumble for a 60 yard touchdown as the 'insert opponent name here' are shell shocked on their way to being defeated by the Cowboys.
Mike Vanderjagt is one heck of a kicker. Forget the last kick you saw from Vanderjagt because someone named fate had already decided that the Steelers were winning that game no matter what the Colts did in that playoff game. The Dallas Cowboys now have a legit NFL veteran to kick field goals for them. Bang, Vanderjagt is now watching his 50 field goal sail through the uprights as the 'insert opponent name here' are shell shocked on their way to being defeated by the Cowboys.
Julius Jones was phenomenal in that victory over the Panthers in 2005. That was probably the best game the offensive line played all season. Everyone wants to complain about all the sacks that were allowed last year, but let's also remember how many times the Cowboys were in 3rd and forget about making a first down. The moves made along the offensive line were done to get the running game going just as much as they were to keep Bledsoe upright. Hold on with the Larry Allen chatter because the only bang he created recently was when he fell over after trying to move laterally. Bang, Julius has just hit the second level on his way to a 40 yard touchdown run as the 'insert opponent name here' are shell shocked on their way to being defeated by the Cowboys.
Jason Witten is one of the best young Tight Ends in the NFL. Anthony Fasano is going to be one the best young Tight Ends in the NFL very soon. Fasano will team up with Witten and Terry Glenn to provide the Cowboys offense with multiple options should the defense double team Owens. Bang, Witten or Fasano or Glenn have just caught a beautifully thrown 30 yard touchdown pass from Bledsoe as the 'insert opponent name here' are shell shocked on their way to being defeated by the Cowboys.
Roy Williams has heard his fair share of criticism as a cover Safety, but you would be hard pressed to find any who can complain about his thumping skills. Williams has been providing highlight reel hits since he came into the league four years ago. This season will be no different. Bang, the poor running back can only lay there under Roy Williams while his fumble is being returned 20 yards for a touchdown as the 'insert opponent name here' are shell shocked on their way to being defeated by the Cowboys.
How about when Spears, Ellis, Canty, James, Ayodele, Ferguson and Stanley bang on the running backs looking for some daylight. Don't even try to forget the bang that Skyler Green and Pat Watkins will bring to the special teams units. Of course I didn't forget how many times Newman and Henry are going to bang the football to the turf after picking off another pass.
By now you see how the theory works right. This 2006 football machine is built to provide the big bang plays that make the difference between a 'just missed the playoffs' team and a Super Bowl winner.
Kudos to Bill and Jerry for this theory. Now it's up to the players to bust their butts so that when next February rolls around they are in Miami for one last game. Then, hopefully...
Bang, the Dallas Cowboys have just won Super Bowl XLI!
When the curtain closed on the 2005 season I don't think Bill Parcells and Jerry Jones were very satisfied with those nine wins and seven losses. Yeah, I know that's not much of a revelation to anyone. So after these two elder statesmen got finished working out the details of Parcells contract extension they came up with the following big bang theory.
Terrell Owens is now wearing a star on his helmet. He's here to make those big game breaking catches that humble the opposing defense. The guy's football skills have never been in question and we have all seen the gaudy numbers he puts up when he makes it onto the field for sixteen games. Bang, T.O is racing down the field for a 70 yard touchdown as the 'insert opponent name here' are shell shocked on their way to being defeated by the Cowboys.
Demarcus Ware just got his partner in crime. Bobby Carpenter will have the pleasure of seeing the quarterback's frightened look as he turns to run from Ware and is immediately nailed by Carpenter coming from the opposite side. Bang, Ware is now racing down the field with the fumble for a 60 yard touchdown as the 'insert opponent name here' are shell shocked on their way to being defeated by the Cowboys.
Mike Vanderjagt is one heck of a kicker. Forget the last kick you saw from Vanderjagt because someone named fate had already decided that the Steelers were winning that game no matter what the Colts did in that playoff game. The Dallas Cowboys now have a legit NFL veteran to kick field goals for them. Bang, Vanderjagt is now watching his 50 field goal sail through the uprights as the 'insert opponent name here' are shell shocked on their way to being defeated by the Cowboys.
Julius Jones was phenomenal in that victory over the Panthers in 2005. That was probably the best game the offensive line played all season. Everyone wants to complain about all the sacks that were allowed last year, but let's also remember how many times the Cowboys were in 3rd and forget about making a first down. The moves made along the offensive line were done to get the running game going just as much as they were to keep Bledsoe upright. Hold on with the Larry Allen chatter because the only bang he created recently was when he fell over after trying to move laterally. Bang, Julius has just hit the second level on his way to a 40 yard touchdown run as the 'insert opponent name here' are shell shocked on their way to being defeated by the Cowboys.
Jason Witten is one of the best young Tight Ends in the NFL. Anthony Fasano is going to be one the best young Tight Ends in the NFL very soon. Fasano will team up with Witten and Terry Glenn to provide the Cowboys offense with multiple options should the defense double team Owens. Bang, Witten or Fasano or Glenn have just caught a beautifully thrown 30 yard touchdown pass from Bledsoe as the 'insert opponent name here' are shell shocked on their way to being defeated by the Cowboys.
Roy Williams has heard his fair share of criticism as a cover Safety, but you would be hard pressed to find any who can complain about his thumping skills. Williams has been providing highlight reel hits since he came into the league four years ago. This season will be no different. Bang, the poor running back can only lay there under Roy Williams while his fumble is being returned 20 yards for a touchdown as the 'insert opponent name here' are shell shocked on their way to being defeated by the Cowboys.
How about when Spears, Ellis, Canty, James, Ayodele, Ferguson and Stanley bang on the running backs looking for some daylight. Don't even try to forget the bang that Skyler Green and Pat Watkins will bring to the special teams units. Of course I didn't forget how many times Newman and Henry are going to bang the football to the turf after picking off another pass.
By now you see how the theory works right. This 2006 football machine is built to provide the big bang plays that make the difference between a 'just missed the playoffs' team and a Super Bowl winner.
Kudos to Bill and Jerry for this theory. Now it's up to the players to bust their butts so that when next February rolls around they are in Miami for one last game. Then, hopefully...
Bang, the Dallas Cowboys have just won Super Bowl XLI!
posted by The Gryphon at 8:29 PM
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