Philadelphia Inquirer: The reality of Michael Irvin
By Frank Fitzpatrick
Inquirer Sports Columnist
Reality television, contemporary entertainment's version of the thumbscrew, may at last have struck bottom in its quest to find - and pander to - the lowest common denominator.
Here's a brief description of the genre's latest, Spike TV's Fourth and Long:
Dallas Cowboys. Vomit. Created by Michael Irvin.
Brrrrrrr! There's a combination that could cause me to give up TV or, worse, watch Dancing With the Stars.
That's got to be the scariest threesome this side of the Phillies' rotation.
If those words were a Jeopardy answer, the correct question, in Philadelphia at least, might be, "What are three synonyms for a disgusting discharge?"
To sum up Irvin's brainchild, apparently legitimate, 12 football wannabes, accompanied by 12 ambulances, gather for grueling workouts under the ex-Cowboy receiver's stern supervision. Each week, one is eliminated - though, sadly, never Irvin - perhaps by being carted off the field on a stretcher to the accompaniment of lusty boos.
The players' goal is to win an invitation to Cowboys training camp, ideally on a day when the wind isn't blowing too hard.
The producers' goal is to make the players vomit as often as possible, an interesting twist on the standard reality-show gimmick of making the viewers sick.
In its review, the New York Times focused on all the uproarious upchucking that takes place.
"Lots and lots of vomit is spewed in the opening episode . . . Fourth and Long is not a show you want to watch while eating dinner."
That last warning might also be applied to another of the show's sickly staples - having virtually everyone utter the words, "Dallas Cowboys" in every sentence.
Where's the FCC now?
Anyway, after 12 weeks of puking and plugging, all the winner gets is a Cowboys training-camp invite.
Given all the no-talents and knuckleheads who have been to NFL camps over the years, that may be the least-impressive TV prize since Susan Boyle was a Dating Game bachleorette.
Couldn't they have thrown in something a would-be Cowboy might find more useful?
Like bail money?
"Look, I'm a President!" If the Phillies had emulated the behavior of many of their fans when they visited the White House recently, they'd have worn white shirts, red power ties, and dark blue suits with the name "Obama" emblazoned across the back.
Speaking of that visit, the Phils gave the president a jersey with his name on the back. Gee, bet you he's never gotten anything like that before.
Isn't it time to end some of these stupid sports-politics crossover traditions - like the presentations of jerseys people neither want nor will ever wear? Or the food wagers between mayors and governors?
Next time the Phils go to the White House, just give the president a Wawa gift card and be done with it.
A-Rod or A-Roid? The Yankees' Alex Rodriguez has hit five homers since his return from hip surgery/steroid scandal. That led New York Daily News columnist Joel Sherman to note how much easier it will be to rehab from the former:
"I hope he is doing this clean," Sherman wrote. "That is near impossible to know since, for example, HGH is not tested for. But if he is doing this clean - and, again, let's hope so - it would reassert how foolish he was to ever play dirty and raise doubts about all of his accomplishments, including those in the present tense."
"Like say 'like' like a lot." Since Phils manager Charlie Manuel is one of the featured speakers, perhaps its time Zig Ziglar scratched out "Communications" as one of the topics at his "Get Motivated" seminar in Philadelphia next month.
Inquirer Sports Columnist
Reality television, contemporary entertainment's version of the thumbscrew, may at last have struck bottom in its quest to find - and pander to - the lowest common denominator.
Here's a brief description of the genre's latest, Spike TV's Fourth and Long:
Dallas Cowboys. Vomit. Created by Michael Irvin.
Brrrrrrr! There's a combination that could cause me to give up TV or, worse, watch Dancing With the Stars.
That's got to be the scariest threesome this side of the Phillies' rotation.
If those words were a Jeopardy answer, the correct question, in Philadelphia at least, might be, "What are three synonyms for a disgusting discharge?"
To sum up Irvin's brainchild, apparently legitimate, 12 football wannabes, accompanied by 12 ambulances, gather for grueling workouts under the ex-Cowboy receiver's stern supervision. Each week, one is eliminated - though, sadly, never Irvin - perhaps by being carted off the field on a stretcher to the accompaniment of lusty boos.
The players' goal is to win an invitation to Cowboys training camp, ideally on a day when the wind isn't blowing too hard.
The producers' goal is to make the players vomit as often as possible, an interesting twist on the standard reality-show gimmick of making the viewers sick.
In its review, the New York Times focused on all the uproarious upchucking that takes place.
"Lots and lots of vomit is spewed in the opening episode . . . Fourth and Long is not a show you want to watch while eating dinner."
That last warning might also be applied to another of the show's sickly staples - having virtually everyone utter the words, "Dallas Cowboys" in every sentence.
Where's the FCC now?
Anyway, after 12 weeks of puking and plugging, all the winner gets is a Cowboys training-camp invite.
Given all the no-talents and knuckleheads who have been to NFL camps over the years, that may be the least-impressive TV prize since Susan Boyle was a Dating Game bachleorette.
Couldn't they have thrown in something a would-be Cowboy might find more useful?
Like bail money?
"Look, I'm a President!" If the Phillies had emulated the behavior of many of their fans when they visited the White House recently, they'd have worn white shirts, red power ties, and dark blue suits with the name "Obama" emblazoned across the back.
Speaking of that visit, the Phils gave the president a jersey with his name on the back. Gee, bet you he's never gotten anything like that before.
Isn't it time to end some of these stupid sports-politics crossover traditions - like the presentations of jerseys people neither want nor will ever wear? Or the food wagers between mayors and governors?
Next time the Phils go to the White House, just give the president a Wawa gift card and be done with it.
A-Rod or A-Roid? The Yankees' Alex Rodriguez has hit five homers since his return from hip surgery/steroid scandal. That led New York Daily News columnist Joel Sherman to note how much easier it will be to rehab from the former:
"I hope he is doing this clean," Sherman wrote. "That is near impossible to know since, for example, HGH is not tested for. But if he is doing this clean - and, again, let's hope so - it would reassert how foolish he was to ever play dirty and raise doubts about all of his accomplishments, including those in the present tense."
"Like say 'like' like a lot." Since Phils manager Charlie Manuel is one of the featured speakers, perhaps its time Zig Ziglar scratched out "Communications" as one of the topics at his "Get Motivated" seminar in Philadelphia next month.
posted by The Gryphon at 7:37 AM
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