The Haters' Off-Season FAQ
By: Ryan Davis
Seahawks.NET
Date: Jul 4, 2006
TIDBIT: How can the Seahawks be considered serious contenders when Peter King already anointed the Dallas Cowboys victorious in SBXLI?
Ah, a tough and worthy question. I mean why would you doubt Peter on this one, really?
He’s going out on such a limb by smooching up—err—I mean proclaiming, the Cowboys as champs.
What other reasons could he possibly have for hoisting the NFL’s most marketable franchise, their newsworthy media-loving coach, the combustible WR they recently acquired, and egomaniacal owner up as the best? Hmmm, I bet it has all to do with research and little to do with gaining a foothold within the leagues top regular-season story line.
In fairness to Mr. King, Parcells is still the best coach going. They do have a good bordering on great defense, TO will be a definite impact, and Terry “She” Glenn seems to have defeated his bouts with migraines, thyroid disorders, and osteoporosis.
But one glaring weakness remains - their offensive backfield. Julius Jones is a good back, but considering he’s my body double, he won’t last a full season, sorry Pete. Drew Bledsoe’s not Drew Bledsoe anymore, Mr. King.
Lest we forget, Drew’s a man who made a Buffalo Bill offensive linemen berate him after a play, because he was sacked despite the minute and a half he had in the pocket. A feat unduplicated before or after that incident. He’s shot, done, gone, get out the forks.
To Parcells’ credit, he’s loaded up on every warm-blooded mammal over 280 pounds to compensate for Drew’s reactional-dysfunction. That was confirmed via satellite a few weeks ago. Only the Great Wall of China and Parcells’ base offense stand as man-made objects discernable from space. But even those four minutes aren’t enough for Drew to chuck the rock.
We shouldn’t be too hard on ole’ Petey on this one, though. It must be tough going from playing everyone’s favorite alcoholic, Norm on “Cheers”, to an NFL writer. Heck even Todd Bridges struggled with his fading stardom. But maybe you should stick to acting if you’re not going to research?
Besides, I bet John Ratzenberger’s itching to get back on network TV - maybe a spin-off’s in order?
Seahawks.NET
Date: Jul 4, 2006
TIDBIT: How can the Seahawks be considered serious contenders when Peter King already anointed the Dallas Cowboys victorious in SBXLI?
Ah, a tough and worthy question. I mean why would you doubt Peter on this one, really?
He’s going out on such a limb by smooching up—err—I mean proclaiming, the Cowboys as champs.
What other reasons could he possibly have for hoisting the NFL’s most marketable franchise, their newsworthy media-loving coach, the combustible WR they recently acquired, and egomaniacal owner up as the best? Hmmm, I bet it has all to do with research and little to do with gaining a foothold within the leagues top regular-season story line.
In fairness to Mr. King, Parcells is still the best coach going. They do have a good bordering on great defense, TO will be a definite impact, and Terry “She” Glenn seems to have defeated his bouts with migraines, thyroid disorders, and osteoporosis.
But one glaring weakness remains - their offensive backfield. Julius Jones is a good back, but considering he’s my body double, he won’t last a full season, sorry Pete. Drew Bledsoe’s not Drew Bledsoe anymore, Mr. King.
Lest we forget, Drew’s a man who made a Buffalo Bill offensive linemen berate him after a play, because he was sacked despite the minute and a half he had in the pocket. A feat unduplicated before or after that incident. He’s shot, done, gone, get out the forks.
To Parcells’ credit, he’s loaded up on every warm-blooded mammal over 280 pounds to compensate for Drew’s reactional-dysfunction. That was confirmed via satellite a few weeks ago. Only the Great Wall of China and Parcells’ base offense stand as man-made objects discernable from space. But even those four minutes aren’t enough for Drew to chuck the rock.
We shouldn’t be too hard on ole’ Petey on this one, though. It must be tough going from playing everyone’s favorite alcoholic, Norm on “Cheers”, to an NFL writer. Heck even Todd Bridges struggled with his fading stardom. But maybe you should stick to acting if you’re not going to research?
Besides, I bet John Ratzenberger’s itching to get back on network TV - maybe a spin-off’s in order?
posted by The Gryphon at 10:16 PM
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