This week on "Dallas"
By Os Davis on October 31, 2006 12:22 AM
And now, a special RealFootball365 service for those of you viewers who may have missed an episode or two of that scheming, head-game playing, back-biting family known as "Dallas." Following is an episode guide to help fill you in on all the plots, subplots and subsubplots of the NFL's No. 1-ranked soap opera you somehow may have missed
In this week's episode, entitled "New Blood brings New New Hope," patriarch Jock Ewing (played by Jerry Jones) again sees nothing but trouble for the whole Dallas Cowboys ' clan as alliances have shifted from soon-to-be forgotten Gary (Drew Bledsoe) to his up-and-coming smiling son Bobby (Tony Romo).
Bobby pleases stockholders (Cowboy fans) with a solid 24-of-36 for 270 yards. Gary threatens to leave the series altogether, but no one notices. Meanwhile, Jock reassures J.R. (Terrell Owens) that he is still his favorite, citing as proof the 107 yards on nine catches. Miss Ellie (Bill Parcells) looks happier than a tuna in a pond full of minnows at her rollicking boys and says, "We haven't been having a lot of fun around here. They're having fun right now."
Previous episodes with a bearing on current events in "Dallas" include the following:
Episode one, "A New Hope." (Wait, that was "Star Wars.") With an all-new supporting cast, higher production values and a J.R. meaner than ever, "Dallas" looks primed for a solid season before a rival firm overlooked by the clan, the Jacksonville Jaguars , surprises when Gary appears to have lost his stock reports, newspaper, ranch house and mind. Overcoming illness, J.R. is overshadowed. Jock reassures J.R. that he is still the favorite.
Episode three, "Who OD'd J.R.? Part One." In an otherwise blah episode, the critical mass created by J.R.'s steady stream of media hype, half-joking statements and complaining result in an attempt on the Favored Son's life. As Jock, Jones delivers a heart-rending monologue resembling a combination of "King Lear" and William Shatner (Capt. Kirk) lamenting his son's death in "Star Trek III." Suspects in J.R.'s near-lethal poisoning include his jealous receiver mate Sue Ellen (Terry Glenn), Gary, and essentially the entire population outside the Dallas-Ft. Worth metropolitan statistical area.
Episode four, "Who OD'd J.R.? Part Two." The ratings-grabbing cliffhanger resolution has the "Dallas" clan overcoming little serious opposition from Tennessee, and the would-be assassin of J.R. revealed to be no one, as J.R.'s spokesman, Alexis Carrington, explains. (And yes, we know that Joan Collins' character was never on the real-life "Dallas," but that's about as close a reference to "Dynasty" this incarnation of the Cowboys is going to get.)
Episode seven, "Take This Job and ... No, Wait, Please, I Didn't Mean to Throw that Interception, I'll Concentrate Next Time." Impatient stockholders suffering from a condition similar to that of the "Memento" protagonist, instantly forget Gary giving up the body for a gutsy TD and begin booing, throwing blunt objects and calling for his head. Bobby, thought dead for the remainder of the season, appears in a shower in the locker room and is inserted into the lineup. J.R. smiles charmingly while dropping a key third-down pass. Miss Ellie mouths the word "damn" on prime time.
Be sure to tune in again this week, as the "Dallas" family visits the nation's capital to lobby for playoff positioning; the defense takes further steps in its struggle with bipolar disorder; Gary again threatens to leave and no one notices; Marion Barber III decides to continue taking injections of DNA to make him into Earl Campbell; and the entire offensive line is lined up against a wall in Moldavia and shot.
And now, a special RealFootball365 service for those of you viewers who may have missed an episode or two of that scheming, head-game playing, back-biting family known as "Dallas." Following is an episode guide to help fill you in on all the plots, subplots and subsubplots of the NFL's No. 1-ranked soap opera you somehow may have missed
In this week's episode, entitled "New Blood brings New New Hope," patriarch Jock Ewing (played by Jerry Jones) again sees nothing but trouble for the whole Dallas Cowboys ' clan as alliances have shifted from soon-to-be forgotten Gary (Drew Bledsoe) to his up-and-coming smiling son Bobby (Tony Romo).
Bobby pleases stockholders (Cowboy fans) with a solid 24-of-36 for 270 yards. Gary threatens to leave the series altogether, but no one notices. Meanwhile, Jock reassures J.R. (Terrell Owens) that he is still his favorite, citing as proof the 107 yards on nine catches. Miss Ellie (Bill Parcells) looks happier than a tuna in a pond full of minnows at her rollicking boys and says, "We haven't been having a lot of fun around here. They're having fun right now."
Previous episodes with a bearing on current events in "Dallas" include the following:
Episode one, "A New Hope." (Wait, that was "Star Wars.") With an all-new supporting cast, higher production values and a J.R. meaner than ever, "Dallas" looks primed for a solid season before a rival firm overlooked by the clan, the Jacksonville Jaguars , surprises when Gary appears to have lost his stock reports, newspaper, ranch house and mind. Overcoming illness, J.R. is overshadowed. Jock reassures J.R. that he is still the favorite.
Episode three, "Who OD'd J.R.? Part One." In an otherwise blah episode, the critical mass created by J.R.'s steady stream of media hype, half-joking statements and complaining result in an attempt on the Favored Son's life. As Jock, Jones delivers a heart-rending monologue resembling a combination of "King Lear" and William Shatner (Capt. Kirk) lamenting his son's death in "Star Trek III." Suspects in J.R.'s near-lethal poisoning include his jealous receiver mate Sue Ellen (Terry Glenn), Gary, and essentially the entire population outside the Dallas-Ft. Worth metropolitan statistical area.
Episode four, "Who OD'd J.R.? Part Two." The ratings-grabbing cliffhanger resolution has the "Dallas" clan overcoming little serious opposition from Tennessee, and the would-be assassin of J.R. revealed to be no one, as J.R.'s spokesman, Alexis Carrington, explains. (And yes, we know that Joan Collins' character was never on the real-life "Dallas," but that's about as close a reference to "Dynasty" this incarnation of the Cowboys is going to get.)
Episode seven, "Take This Job and ... No, Wait, Please, I Didn't Mean to Throw that Interception, I'll Concentrate Next Time." Impatient stockholders suffering from a condition similar to that of the "Memento" protagonist, instantly forget Gary giving up the body for a gutsy TD and begin booing, throwing blunt objects and calling for his head. Bobby, thought dead for the remainder of the season, appears in a shower in the locker room and is inserted into the lineup. J.R. smiles charmingly while dropping a key third-down pass. Miss Ellie mouths the word "damn" on prime time.
Be sure to tune in again this week, as the "Dallas" family visits the nation's capital to lobby for playoff positioning; the defense takes further steps in its struggle with bipolar disorder; Gary again threatens to leave and no one notices; Marion Barber III decides to continue taking injections of DNA to make him into Earl Campbell; and the entire offensive line is lined up against a wall in Moldavia and shot.
posted by The Gryphon at 7:23 PM
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