Why Seahawks could be in trouble vs. Cowboys
Mike Tanier / FootballOutsiders.com
Posted: 13 hours ago
Breaking news from Seattle: the Puget Sound is rapidly becoming the world's largest pot of Chai tea.
Oceanographers report that levels of cinnamon and vanilla increased sharply after Thanksgiving and remained high throughout the holiday season. Initially, the researchers posited that the culprit was an undiscovered crustacean: the sea snickerdoodlesnicker doodle. But further studies indicated that holiday baking caused the spiking of the sound.
The findings didn't end with flavorings: tests revealed that levels of cosmetics and pharmaceuticals were also on the rise in the Puget Sound. The results may be tainted, though: researchers took their samples just after Courtney Love finished swimming.
The pollutants are having a surprising effect on the local marine life. Thanks to all of the cinnamon, prostate cancer in the geoduck population is down 75 percent. Increased caffeine levels are making the fish jumpy: Nemo was just diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. Predictably, Starbucks is charging $3.99 for locals to kneel at the banks of the Puget Sound and slurp.
But seriously folks, someone in the Pacific Northwest must have a serious sweet tooth to bake so many goodies that it can taint the water supply. We think the Seahawks may be to blame. Look at their schedule this season: a soft division, the Buccaneers, the Raiders, the Lions. That's a lot of pastry. Mike Holmgren's team may not be riding high with a 9-7 record, but they are entering the postseason on a serious sugar rush.
Team officials may know that they are part of the problem. They plan to provide oceanographers with an anti-pollutant device, a sluice that scoops up sweets but allows larger objects to pass straight through. They call it their offensive line.
Cowboys at Seahawks
One look at that Seahawks schedule and you know they are in trouble in the playoffs. Their most impressive wins this season are a 42-30 victory against the Giants in Week 3 and a 23-20 win in Denver. Those are their only wins against playoff or better-than-.500 teams. Everything else has been cookie crushing, and the Seahawks haven't even been impressive when doing that. Take last week's win as an example. "An apt metaphor for describing the larger meaning of Seattle's 23-7 victory over the hapless Tampa Bay Buccaneers is a Band-Aid stretched over a gaping ax wound," Ted Miller wrote in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. "See ... all better!"
The Seahawks' woes this season have been well-documented. Offensive injuries have been a major problem. Matt Hasselbeck and Shaun Alexander are now healthy, but the team has been without receiver Darrell Jackson for a month, and the mix-and-match situation on the offensive line is still a problem. Pork Chop Womack and Rob Sims, the current starting guards, are very limited players, and the Seahawks can't effectively use pulling run plays or rollout passes when they can't trust their guards to block a defender in the open field.
Defensively, the Seahawks have been inconsistent, great at stuffing runners at the line, good at producing sacks, and terrible at stopping long gains. The Seahawks have allowed 17 runs of 20 or more yards this season, and no team has allowed more yardage on runs of 10 or more yards. A good secondary can staunch the bleeding on longer runs, but the injury bug spread from the Seahawks offense to their defense in the last few weeks. Cornerback Marcus Trufant suffered a high ankle sprain against the Chargers and won't be back for another week or two. Kelly Herndon broke his leg on Sunday. Backup Jimmy Williams also got hurt against the Bucs. The Seahawks will face Terry Glenn and Terrell Owens with rookie Kelly Jennings and safety Jordan Babineaux playing cornerback. Hmmm, maybe long running plays aren't their biggest concern.
The Seahawks do have three things going for them on Saturday. First, there's Tony Romo, whose hands are so full of his positive press clippings that he can no longer hold onto the football. Romo has developed some terrible habits since he passed sliced bread on the Greatest Thing Ever list, and his tendency to goof off in the pocket while trying to complete a 400-yard touchdown pass on every play cost the Cowboys a shot at the NFC East title and a home game last week. Romo is better than he looked against the Lions and Eagles, but defenders now have a book on him. The Seahawks front four will be able to get pressure on him, and they'll try to strip the ball.
Second, there's the Cowboys secondary. Cornerback Aaron Glenn keeps getting older and shorter; he'll be Yoda in a few weeks. Anthony Henry was never good. Safety Pat Watkins should be floating on top of a crock of French onion soup. Roy Williams is better at horse-collar tackling than covering receivers. That leaves Terence Newman (who is OK) and the hope that DeMarcus Ware and the pass rush will take care of business. The Seahawks believe Hasselbeck can complete lots of short passes and screens against this defense, slowing the pass rush and opening up enough opportunities deep to force a shootout.
Finally, there's the Qwest Field advantage and the Seattle weather. Romo appeared pretty rattled at home over the past two weeks, so it's hard to imagine how he might react to the noise in Seattle. The forecast for Saturday calls for rain (duh) and possibly snow. Slippery ball plus Romo's hands equals more fumble opportunities.
Ultimately, home field advantage won't be enough for the Seahawks. When he wasn't rolling the ball around the turf, Romo was helping the Cowboys score 31 points last week. There's no way that a rookie and a converted safety can cover Glenn and Owens, and if they do, Marion Barber and Jason Witten will gouge them over the middle. Bill Parcells has his foot so far up his team's butt right now that he's kicking tonsils. If the Tuna has any mojo left, he'll have his troops playing scared, and he'll halt their losing skid.
Posted: 13 hours ago
Breaking news from Seattle: the Puget Sound is rapidly becoming the world's largest pot of Chai tea.
Oceanographers report that levels of cinnamon and vanilla increased sharply after Thanksgiving and remained high throughout the holiday season. Initially, the researchers posited that the culprit was an undiscovered crustacean: the sea snickerdoodlesnicker doodle. But further studies indicated that holiday baking caused the spiking of the sound.
The findings didn't end with flavorings: tests revealed that levels of cosmetics and pharmaceuticals were also on the rise in the Puget Sound. The results may be tainted, though: researchers took their samples just after Courtney Love finished swimming.
The pollutants are having a surprising effect on the local marine life. Thanks to all of the cinnamon, prostate cancer in the geoduck population is down 75 percent. Increased caffeine levels are making the fish jumpy: Nemo was just diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. Predictably, Starbucks is charging $3.99 for locals to kneel at the banks of the Puget Sound and slurp.
But seriously folks, someone in the Pacific Northwest must have a serious sweet tooth to bake so many goodies that it can taint the water supply. We think the Seahawks may be to blame. Look at their schedule this season: a soft division, the Buccaneers, the Raiders, the Lions. That's a lot of pastry. Mike Holmgren's team may not be riding high with a 9-7 record, but they are entering the postseason on a serious sugar rush.
Team officials may know that they are part of the problem. They plan to provide oceanographers with an anti-pollutant device, a sluice that scoops up sweets but allows larger objects to pass straight through. They call it their offensive line.
Cowboys at Seahawks
One look at that Seahawks schedule and you know they are in trouble in the playoffs. Their most impressive wins this season are a 42-30 victory against the Giants in Week 3 and a 23-20 win in Denver. Those are their only wins against playoff or better-than-.500 teams. Everything else has been cookie crushing, and the Seahawks haven't even been impressive when doing that. Take last week's win as an example. "An apt metaphor for describing the larger meaning of Seattle's 23-7 victory over the hapless Tampa Bay Buccaneers is a Band-Aid stretched over a gaping ax wound," Ted Miller wrote in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. "See ... all better!"
The Seahawks' woes this season have been well-documented. Offensive injuries have been a major problem. Matt Hasselbeck and Shaun Alexander are now healthy, but the team has been without receiver Darrell Jackson for a month, and the mix-and-match situation on the offensive line is still a problem. Pork Chop Womack and Rob Sims, the current starting guards, are very limited players, and the Seahawks can't effectively use pulling run plays or rollout passes when they can't trust their guards to block a defender in the open field.
Defensively, the Seahawks have been inconsistent, great at stuffing runners at the line, good at producing sacks, and terrible at stopping long gains. The Seahawks have allowed 17 runs of 20 or more yards this season, and no team has allowed more yardage on runs of 10 or more yards. A good secondary can staunch the bleeding on longer runs, but the injury bug spread from the Seahawks offense to their defense in the last few weeks. Cornerback Marcus Trufant suffered a high ankle sprain against the Chargers and won't be back for another week or two. Kelly Herndon broke his leg on Sunday. Backup Jimmy Williams also got hurt against the Bucs. The Seahawks will face Terry Glenn and Terrell Owens with rookie Kelly Jennings and safety Jordan Babineaux playing cornerback. Hmmm, maybe long running plays aren't their biggest concern.
The Seahawks do have three things going for them on Saturday. First, there's Tony Romo, whose hands are so full of his positive press clippings that he can no longer hold onto the football. Romo has developed some terrible habits since he passed sliced bread on the Greatest Thing Ever list, and his tendency to goof off in the pocket while trying to complete a 400-yard touchdown pass on every play cost the Cowboys a shot at the NFC East title and a home game last week. Romo is better than he looked against the Lions and Eagles, but defenders now have a book on him. The Seahawks front four will be able to get pressure on him, and they'll try to strip the ball.
Second, there's the Cowboys secondary. Cornerback Aaron Glenn keeps getting older and shorter; he'll be Yoda in a few weeks. Anthony Henry was never good. Safety Pat Watkins should be floating on top of a crock of French onion soup. Roy Williams is better at horse-collar tackling than covering receivers. That leaves Terence Newman (who is OK) and the hope that DeMarcus Ware and the pass rush will take care of business. The Seahawks believe Hasselbeck can complete lots of short passes and screens against this defense, slowing the pass rush and opening up enough opportunities deep to force a shootout.
Finally, there's the Qwest Field advantage and the Seattle weather. Romo appeared pretty rattled at home over the past two weeks, so it's hard to imagine how he might react to the noise in Seattle. The forecast for Saturday calls for rain (duh) and possibly snow. Slippery ball plus Romo's hands equals more fumble opportunities.
Ultimately, home field advantage won't be enough for the Seahawks. When he wasn't rolling the ball around the turf, Romo was helping the Cowboys score 31 points last week. There's no way that a rookie and a converted safety can cover Glenn and Owens, and if they do, Marion Barber and Jason Witten will gouge them over the middle. Bill Parcells has his foot so far up his team's butt right now that he's kicking tonsils. If the Tuna has any mojo left, he'll have his troops playing scared, and he'll halt their losing skid.
posted by The Gryphon at 6:28 PM
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