Tips to make Big D interesting
BY GENE CHAMBERLAIN - FOR THE COURIER NEWS
Just another week in the asylum.
Jerry Jones brought in goofy Roy Williams, the Cowboys might use old man Brad Johnson at QB because of Tony Romo's broken finger and Pacman Jones -- he wanted to be known as Adam Jones but after this week he's going to be called Pacman -- is suspended again.
They might as well practice at the South Fork ranch and call Jones J.R. for his wheeling and dealing.
The latest move is comical, although there may be method to his madness. Terrell Owens can't go on being a narcissistic diva forever. He's at an age when wide receivers slow down or are completely done. So Williams is the future.
But Owens is still around now to be a, uh, mentor?
"I've never had an older wide receiver to show me the way," Williams said.
Since when does becoming a selfish boor require lessons?
It would seem with this latest trade that old "Two Face" Jones has outdone himself, but that's just not the case.
Certainly he has Tank Johnson, Pacman, Williams and T.O., and, of course, the on-going Romo-Jessica Simpson fling to consider, but there are more trades and signings still to be made out there and we're hoping to get the ball rolling toward even more fireworks.
• Two draft picks to Kansas City for Larry Johnson. He'll have to split time but will come in quite handy when Dallas wants to put a beating on an all-female team.
• First-round draft picks in 2010 and 2011 to the Saints for Reggie Bush. They've already got Tony and Jessica and then they'll also have Reggie and Kim Kardashian, along with the whole Kardashian clan.
They won't need to hold tryouts for Cowboys cheerleaders in the future, just let Jessica, Kim and the other Kardashians take the jobs.
• A first-round draft pick in 2012 for Vince Young, if they can find him.
• Sign running back Travis Henry. Current legal troubles aside, the Cowboys could stop participating in the draft in the future if they have Henry. He'll simply continue producing bodies to fill their uniforms.
• Bring Todd Sauerbrun out of retirement. He's only 35, and there's plenty of punts and legal trouble left in him. Punter might be the most boring position in the game, so why not have one who brings something extra.
• Trade a 2013 first-round draft pick to Oakland for Sebastian Janikowski. There's no kicker in history with a better resume for fitting in with the current Cowboys.
• A dozen orange jump suits and a certain defensive back to be named later to the federal prison system in exchange for Michael Vick. Without Romo, the Cowboys could use someone not yet eligible for social security to back up Romo. Besides, itʼ's said he'ʼs the kind of quarterback you want leading your team on a Sunday when youʼve got a real dogfight on your hands.
Speaking of severely penalized individuals, there should be some sort of penalty for last week's 4-10 record against the spread, and 6-8 mark straight up.
Sure, everyone should have seen that Rams win, and Cowboys and Giants losses coming a mile away. That makes it 34-51-2 for the year. Straight up, it's 49-39 for the year. Power plays are 17-9 straight up and 14-12 against the spread. Upset specials aren't too special at 1-5, 1-5.
Just another week in the asylum.
Jerry Jones brought in goofy Roy Williams, the Cowboys might use old man Brad Johnson at QB because of Tony Romo's broken finger and Pacman Jones -- he wanted to be known as Adam Jones but after this week he's going to be called Pacman -- is suspended again.
They might as well practice at the South Fork ranch and call Jones J.R. for his wheeling and dealing.
The latest move is comical, although there may be method to his madness. Terrell Owens can't go on being a narcissistic diva forever. He's at an age when wide receivers slow down or are completely done. So Williams is the future.
But Owens is still around now to be a, uh, mentor?
"I've never had an older wide receiver to show me the way," Williams said.
Since when does becoming a selfish boor require lessons?
It would seem with this latest trade that old "Two Face" Jones has outdone himself, but that's just not the case.
Certainly he has Tank Johnson, Pacman, Williams and T.O., and, of course, the on-going Romo-Jessica Simpson fling to consider, but there are more trades and signings still to be made out there and we're hoping to get the ball rolling toward even more fireworks.
• Two draft picks to Kansas City for Larry Johnson. He'll have to split time but will come in quite handy when Dallas wants to put a beating on an all-female team.
• First-round draft picks in 2010 and 2011 to the Saints for Reggie Bush. They've already got Tony and Jessica and then they'll also have Reggie and Kim Kardashian, along with the whole Kardashian clan.
They won't need to hold tryouts for Cowboys cheerleaders in the future, just let Jessica, Kim and the other Kardashians take the jobs.
• A first-round draft pick in 2012 for Vince Young, if they can find him.
• Sign running back Travis Henry. Current legal troubles aside, the Cowboys could stop participating in the draft in the future if they have Henry. He'll simply continue producing bodies to fill their uniforms.
• Bring Todd Sauerbrun out of retirement. He's only 35, and there's plenty of punts and legal trouble left in him. Punter might be the most boring position in the game, so why not have one who brings something extra.
• Trade a 2013 first-round draft pick to Oakland for Sebastian Janikowski. There's no kicker in history with a better resume for fitting in with the current Cowboys.
• A dozen orange jump suits and a certain defensive back to be named later to the federal prison system in exchange for Michael Vick. Without Romo, the Cowboys could use someone not yet eligible for social security to back up Romo. Besides, itʼ's said he'ʼs the kind of quarterback you want leading your team on a Sunday when youʼve got a real dogfight on your hands.
Speaking of severely penalized individuals, there should be some sort of penalty for last week's 4-10 record against the spread, and 6-8 mark straight up.
Sure, everyone should have seen that Rams win, and Cowboys and Giants losses coming a mile away. That makes it 34-51-2 for the year. Straight up, it's 49-39 for the year. Power plays are 17-9 straight up and 14-12 against the spread. Upset specials aren't too special at 1-5, 1-5.
posted by The Gryphon at 9:05 AM
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